Let me start by sharing this wonderful story. There was this wonderful couple who would like to celebrate their wedding anniversary. The wife was so excited to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. The wife would like to surprise her husband. She made a reservation at a Chinese restaurant and everything was already set for that day of their wedding anniversary. When that day came, the husband the picked-up the wife at her work. During their trip, the wife told her husband, "You know, honey, this is our first wedding anniversary. Let us come and celebrate this. You know, honey, I want to eat Chinese food." The husband replied, "No, I don't like Chinese food, I like Mexican food." And so, they quarreled instead of celebrating their wedding anniversary. They talked against each other. And because she can no longer contain her anger, she said, "You know, what? I want to surprise you in that Chinese restaurant and I have already prepared everything." The husband then laughed so hard. The wife felt angrier thinking why is her husband laughing. But the husband said, "I also would like to surprise you in that Mexican restaurant that's why I said I like Mexican food."
You see, both of them had the desire to surprise one another but they failed to communicate. In this situation, we can see how important it is to have good communication and to really communicate well. It is not just about communicating but we have to communicate well. Good communication would always bear good relationships.
So in here, in that short lived communication breakdown, it was humorous in a sense. But not always. But it was not always so funny when it came to poor communication. I believe that a lot of relationship break-ups happen because of communication problems. There's a lot of that. But tonight, I don't like to speak as if in the shoes of a psychologist or sociologist. But I want to bring you to a biblical perspective of communication. I call that ‘Godly communication’.
I do believe that Godly communication is the foundation of all communication. When we fail to understand what Godly communication is, then everything about communication will fail. We fail. When we fail to understand Godly communication, then everything else fails. Every communication will fail. Now, let me define first what is communication.
According to Merriam Webster dictionary, it is a process by which information is being exchanged between individuals. That means that there is no communication when it is just between you and yourself. It involves at least two people. You could be the sender or you could be the receiver, and vice versa in that idea. Ideas or information is being communicated through a system called symbols, signs, or behavior.
As I have given only 15 minutes to speak tonight, I pray that we don't have a communication problem. And let us this Godly communication.
When was the last time that you got into trouble or your relationships was being broken because you failed to communicate? You can be the receiver or the one that sends the message.
I know it is very painful and hard to experience that brokenness in that relationship because you failed to communicate. But let me say this to you. I know it's painful. I know it's hard when we fail to communicate. Or when our relationship is broken because we did not communicate well.
The reason why, even if it is hard, even if it is painful, we continue to communicate because the truth is we communicate because we have relationships, we have the ability to create relationships. That's why we, as human beings, call ourselves relational beings. Remember that in Genesis, the Lord said that we are created in the image and the likeness of God. And God Himself has the ability to communicate. And like us, now that we are created in the image and the likeness of God, we also have the ability to communicate. We have the ability to create relationships. That's the reason why we continue to express Ideas, the reason why we continue to express our feelings. How much we fail and how we look at things and how we express ideas. Why? Because we have the ability to create relationships.
In those relationships, we also see here that is why we have relationships with our parents and vice versa. Why children have their relationships with parents, the employer and the employee, the captain and the cadets, and all of these things are being connected with relationships.
And we have to understand that we are not just to have connections or relationships but we have to look at every relationship that we have right now as God's gift. All the relationship that you have with right now is not an accident, it is God's gift. We have to understand that relationship is not just something but God's gift. Why? Because if we look at something as God's gift, therefore, we have to look at it in a different manner. And when we look at God's relationship as God's gift, then therefore, we have to take care of every relationship that we have right now. That's why the desire to really communicate well is should be our very desire because we look at God's relationship as God's gift and we have to take care of that God's gift.
So, I just want to tell you right now that the relationship that you have right now is not an accident. And that relationship that we have is a great gift from the Lord. Why? Because in Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 it says:
"Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one, they get a better return of their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help; but people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. And on a cold night, two under the same blanket can give one to each other; but how can one be warm alone?" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11)
You see, it's so beautiful that every relationship that we have right now is actually God's gift. And when we look at it as God's gift, then we have to take care of that relationship. And the way to take care of that relationship is we have to have a Godly communication.
I just want to also tell you this, that Satan knows exactly that relationships are God's gift. And Jesus is making Himself known in that relationship that we have for each other by having a personal relationship with us. And Satan isn't happy about it. He will not be happy seeing the family being together and that their relationship is good. He is not happy when friends are being intact. He is not happy if you have a good working relationship with your boss or your officemates. He does not like that. He wants to destroy those relationships and the only way to do it using poor communication. He really wants to destroy relationships by using the instrument of communication.
1. Satan wants to make us so busy.
One thing about poor communication is that Satan makes us so busy. And when we are so busy, we won't have time to communicate, we don't have time to talk. We don't have time to express our feelings. We don't have the time to express our ideas. We are in such a hurry and want somebody to just understand us. But no! Not all the time that people will just understand you. How can they understand you if you communicate poorly? That's the reason why he makes us so busy.
2.Satan uses pain and sad experiences in your life.
If someone hurt you, you will not tell them. And that pain will become so eminent in your heart and you will be able to be authentic in how you relate and how you communicate with them.
With all these things, busy, bad experiences, sad experiences, all of these are the cause why we see that there are worse, we see break-ups, we see misunderstanding, we see chaos, we see wars, we see a lot of people (even Christians and believers) falling away from Jesus - because they failed to communicate.
Communication does not only happen with people. There is also communication between God and us. We pray to Him. He also talked to us. And when we are so busy, we don't have the time to pray anymore. That's when our communication with God is cut-off. If we have disappointments and questions about God, then that relationship is being blocked. And so, we no longer have a healthy relationship.
Good relationship is a by-product of healthy communication or a Godly communication.
How can we develop a healthy communication, or shall we say, a Godly communication? How can we do that? If we can see that relationships are God's gift so we have to take care of it. How can we take care of it? We have to see, we have to develop a Godly communication in order for that relationship to blossom, in order for that relationship to grow.
Let us remember that in order for us to have Godly communication, we have to make it Godly, not just gladly.
What does it mean?
Every relationship has purpose. You are not just called to enjoy a relationship, but in order for you to fully enjoy that relationship is you have to fully understand the purpose of that relationship that you have right now.
Like for example: You had a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite gender right now. Do you just want to enjoy your life? Or do you want to see something that there is a purpose in that relationship? It is not just a matter of "Hey, I enjoyed being in this relationship." No! But you have to see that there is a purpose in that relationship. When you see that there is a purpose in that relationship, therefore, you make it Godly, not just gladly.
How do we do that? How do we make Godly, not just gladly?
1. Turning From Evil.
"Finally, all of you, harmonious, sympathetic, affectionate, compassionate and humble. Do not return evil with evil or insult with insult. But instead, bless others because you were called to inherit a blessing. 10For, “The one who wants to love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from uttering deceit. And he must turn away from evil and do good. He must seek peace and pursue it; for the eyes of the Lord is upon the righteous and His ears are open to their prayer. For the Lord's face is against those who do evil. (1 Peter 3: 8-12)
In order for us to have a Godly communication, not just gladly, we have to turn from evil in our work. You may wonder what my suggestion goes like that for us to have a Godly relationship? Godly communication is we have to turn away from evil things. What are those evil things? Peter says that we are to turn away from evil. What are those "evil"?
Evil here includes anger, violence, sexual immorality, greed, drunkenness, drug abuse. These are the behaviors that would hinder Godly communications. That's why Peter is saying here, that if you want to grow, if you want to make your relationship grow, you want to have a Godly communication, you have to turn away from these. You have to turn away from anger, violence, sexual immorality, greed, drunkenness, drug abuse, because these will hinder communication.
Now only that, but turn from evil because people (in the communication aspect), we want to always be the "bida", we always want to be the center. That's why if we always want the communication to always point at you, we can say that the communication is evil. Evil will always point out to self but Godly will always point out to God. That relationship should point you to God not anybody else, because nobody here is good except God, nobody here is great except God. Therefore, you should not be the center of every communication.
Who should be the center of that communication? That should be God, because He is the author of that relationship.
In a friendship kind of relationship, if both of you are trying to be the hero, that relationship will not last. Even in a marriage relationship, if you are struggling to identify who should have the absolute authority, then marriages will fail. But if both of you will agree that the head of the family, of this relationship is God, then both of you will point out and will agree of that authority and He is in-charge of that relationship.
If the center of that communication is you and selfishness, then that is evil. You have to turn away from that. We should always put in our minds that when we always want to be the one that is the center of the conversation, then therefore, that is evil. Let us allow every communication to be anchored on who God is, what He is in our lives
2. Doing good in our walk.
What does it mean to do good?
"So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another." Romans 14:19
If that relationship is important for you, if you see that this is God's gift to you, then you would always get out of your comfort zone and make that relationship grow. How is that? Good relationship will not happen by wishful thinking. You have to act on it, you have to pursue. When we say 'pursue', rain or shine, this is what you have to do. You get out of it and do something.
Forgiveness will not happen unless somebody will go and pursue something. There will be no forgiveness if both of you will just wait for each other to ask for forgiveness. Someone has to pursue the other to do good.
What if you did something wrong to someone? My suggestion is this: When you did something wrong to your brother and is pursuing godliness in that relationship, you yourself will make an action, go to that brother and ask for forgiveness. It's not easy to get up from that, to ask for forgiveness, because it is not the language of everybody. But if you see that that relationship is important, then that is the language of those who pursue godly relationships. Ask for forgiveness.
It is hard for us to say 'sorry' especially if you are holding a position and you wronged somebody that is inferior to you. But if you seek godly communication, then position should not be a barrier.
We can take a step and say "Sorry, I feel like I did something against God, that's why I come here to seek your forgiveness."
And if it is you who have been wronged and someone took the initiative to ask for your forgiveness, what will you do? You also have to make a step to have that restoration happen. It should not be that the person already pursues you and asks forgiveness yet you have not forgiven him saying, "I am not yet ready to forgive you." It should not be like that. If you also want to pursue godly communication, then you should also make an effort for restoration to happen. Both should make an effort for the restoration to happen.
Godly communication happens when all of us make God the center of our communication. We put God in the center of every communication. And we do good to pursue godly communication. It's not about position. It's not about who you are. It's about the heart that always seeks what is right before God.
How are you doing now in your relationship?
Are we taking every relationship that we have right now as God's gift?
Are you taking your family as really God's gift to you? How are you taking care of it?
Are you also seeing the relationship with your friends as God's gift? That it was not an accident that they came to your life?
How are you seeking to do good?
How about in your love life? Is it just a matter to enjoy? Or is it really to seek God in that relationship?
I hope that we all see the relationships that we have right now as God-given and that we not only enjoy it but seek godly communication in order for that relationship to grow and bear fruit of righteousness. I hope that we all enjoy our relationship because it is a relationship that God has given to us - not just being gladly, but Godly.
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